Trying to find MY place in this world

"I don't know what I want. So don't ask me. 'Cause I'm still trying to figure it out. Don't know what's down this road. I'm just walking. Trying to see through the rain coming down. Even though I'm not the only one who feels the way I do. I'm alone, on my own. And that's all I know. I'll be strong, I'll be wrong. Oh, but life goes on. Oh, I'm just a girl trying to find a place in this world." - A Place In This World by Taylor Swift. This song sums up my life right now. I know I'm not alone but right now I feel like it's partially what I need to figure out what I want to do with my life. My time home for Winter break has been fantastic but it has made me realize how much my parents and family do for me when I'm here. How I need to do them for myself so that I can be my own person like I keep saying I want to do. I have loved being home and spending time with my family but I am ready to leave. I am ready to live my life and figure out MY place in this world, I know there's one out there perfectly designed for me by our Heavenly Father and I just have to find it and enable myself to do the great things He has in store for me.

And I'm Home On A Whim

We waited super last minute to buy my plane ticket cause I was having troubles getting ahold of my manager at work. Well, let's just say I never did and my mom eventually just bought a ticket. I called and called, left messages for her to call me and then eventually called and told whoever was there that day to take me off the schedule for the time that I would be gone, which was going to be quite a long time (almost a full month); but who knows if they really did that or not. But I have been home for a little while now and I still have not heard from anybody from work so they either actually took me off the schedule or I'm fired and I just don't know it yet. That'll be a fun one to go figure out when I go back home, makes me quite nervous; what do you even say when this happens? I guess we'll find out when I go back!

I am so grateful to have you

With Thanksgiving being a few days ago it really hit me how much I miss being at home with my family and friends. It made me realize how grateful I am to have the family and the support that I do. So thankful to have such loving, caring and understanding parents, siblings and all the rest of my family. How great is it that I have such great relationships with so many people that are related to me? Who knew I would have so many people on my side, wanting me to succeed? I used to take the love from these people for granted, and I'm sure they noticed; but thank you. Thank you for being you. Thank you for always being there for me no matter what mistake I made. Thank you for being my family. I am so grateful to have each and every single one of you in my life.

Gawh...

My life is making me sick. It is having too many ups and downs. One minute I'm so ready to be here and do everything and be my own person and then the next I just wanna go home and cuddle up to my mommy and be a child again. I still don't know what I want to do with my life. I still don't know why I'm even here in Salt Lake. Both of these have been quite difficult for me, to be so unknown. I just want to know right now. I want God to call down to me and tell me the exact answers to my questions, but I guess that's not how he works...

Cast Member Status

Well I officially got my first job. I now work at the Disney Store at the City Creek Mall here in Salt Lake, which is only a few blocks from my house. (also right next to the temple). I've never had a job before so we'll see how this goes. I'm hoping good since I LOVE Disney!!! Wish me luck! :)

What am I doing?

I have no idea what I'm doing anymore with my life. After a few weeks of taking medical assisting courses I decided it wasn't for me, yet it's too late to change my major this semester. So I dropped a few classes, still taking one medical course and two other classes but now I'm considered only a half time student. I haven't decided what I want to do from here, I have until next semester class sign ups to figure out what kind of direction I want to go, but that's still coming up pretty fast. I can't believe I've been here for over a month now. I know I'm supposed to be here in Salt Lake City, but now I really don't know for what and God is not giving me an answer. But I know now that becoming a medical assistant is not what God has in store for me, I had felt that I wasn't in the right program and then God showed me for sure that I wasn't; so I know I'm still in the right path. But that doesn't mean it's any less hard to be here, going to this school, now for nothing. I don't know if I'm supposed to continue my education at LDSBC or go somewhere else, but God just keeps telling me to stay here when I pray to him, not telling me why. I guess I'll find out eventually...

I'm here for a reason

It's been a crazy almost month here in Salt Lake. There have been a lot of tears shed; happy ones, sad ones, and even angry ones. But I know that I'll get through because I know that this is where I'm supposed to be. After my first day of going to class, I knew. I knew that this is what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I don't know if it's because of my career choice, or what but, I'm in the right spot. That feeling is great, knowing that I'm where I need to be. But it's also hard not knowing why it's the right place to be. My testimony has been greatly strengthened since I've been here and I haven't even been here that long, so maybe that's the reasoning, but only God really knows. My praying has been mostly me asking him why I'm here, what I'm doing, am I going in the right direction? But he tends to not answer those and just makes me feel him there. It's like he doesn't want me to know, and that frustrates me quite a bit. I know he's giving me room so that I can make my own decisions and have agency, but I want to know. I want to know now why I am here, I'm too impatient to not know!